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jokes of the day:
Pick-Up Line - Fighting the Urge:
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on
Earth tonight.
Sleeping at Church:
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon.

The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service with her and poke him when he nods off.

The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep. When the preacher asked, 'Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?' The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Oh my God!' The preacher said, 'That's correct.' And the husband sat down mumbling to himself.

He soon fell asleep again and when the preacher got to the question, 'And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?' The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Jesus Christ!' And the preacher said, 'Right again.' With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act.

The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife when the preacher said, 'What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?' The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped up and exclaimed, 'If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half!'
Afraid Of Bees:
A fellow was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.

Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that ifonebee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.

An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.

The city fellow looked up and weakly said, "No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?"













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